Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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