She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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