We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
