More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
