I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
