I must be too annoying 4 u.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
