i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
