I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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