if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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