Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
