no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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