ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
