i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
