That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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