I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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