I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
