Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize