I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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