dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
