You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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