You just made me feel so damn special
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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