I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
