he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
birth control should be required to get into college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
