i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
