I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
