I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
