His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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