the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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