Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
