I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
