That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
