i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
