I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
