i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
