When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
