Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
