I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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