I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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