I want to stick my p in your. b.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
