Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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