i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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