Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
