I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
