Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
