At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
