It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my shit smells like andre
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
