i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize