No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
