Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
