it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
