he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
