Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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