4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize