He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
