Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
