I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
