Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my liver is dry heaving
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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